I want You

Say, you are a hypothetical rat. In a hypothetical cage. All you have is a bed, water, and a lever that dispenses food when you activate it. You notice that this lever consistently puts out food. A week goes by. You only eat when you're hungry, because you have food available whenever you need it. You feel relaxed, comforted even, by the availability of food. Today, however, something changed. You activated the lever, and no food came out. Desperately you activate it over and over again until suddenly, it dispenses food. Relieved, you tuck it away for safe keeping, in the hopes you'll never have to relive that anxiety. But you do.

You do over and over again. And the food dispenses more and more sparingly, until you're constantly cranking away at this little lever. My little mouse, brainwashed into an anxious hell. I've been there. I know your hell, little mouse. It's the same with any kind of need. Food, water, love. It's all the same. And that's what she's done to you, isn't it? Are her gestures not fewer and farther between, with just enough intensity to keep you pacified? She's playing with you, cat and mouse. Now it's time for you to become the cat. Let's talk about this girl's psychology for a moment. Then we'll address yours. This girl doesn't have an internal understanding of real love. Either she equates it with adoration or admiration or something else. What it is, is uncertain. In her past she's been raised wrong or messed with bad, and she trying to fill the deficit in her self-worth with attention. She probably wants to be a model or an actress or a dancer or some other bogus dream. She is genuinely attracted to you, or she wouldn't chase you.

 The real problem is, she doesn't want to catch you. The hunter never displays their easiest kill. They display their most challenging kill instead. That's what this is all about. But this mindset isn't a healthy one at all. And her mindset is a battle that you yourself will never win with her, because you can't be a love interest and therapist at the same time. She needs help. Now let's talk about yours. Love or not, guys with solid self-worth will be indifferent to game playing. They don't play, they don't chase, they don't pine. They don't obsess. Healthy people know when to walk away. The real problem is the Prince Charming mindset, as in, she's a beautiful, infallible princess with issues that if you could just save her from then you could both ride away into the sunset. Both of you perfect people on your perfect white horse in your perfect dreams. You are always kind to her, always open, always helpful. That's a beautiful way to be if you're Jesus. But that's a good way to get hurt when you're a human. I'm not saying those are bad qualities.

They're what makes you beautiful. But those are cards you simply can't play all the time. So here's my advice if you want this girl, retract your interest. Be civil, not mean. Passive aggressively blow her off. Tell her you're busy later in the week and drinks may not work. Turn the tables. Keep her on her toes. She'll text you. Talk for awhile, at the height of the conversation, disappear. Make her crank your lever. Be hot, and cold. When she starts to back away, be burning hot.
When she gets closer, before she pulls away, be cold. She wants the chase, she wants the emotional roller coaster, she wants the drama, she wants the anxiety. And just a warning, this chase never ends. After starting a relationship, after marriage, after kids, it never ends. You'll always be doing this dance until you're dead, because this is how she feels alive and worthy as a human. Now here's my advice if you want to be happy. Accept that she's beautiful and sexy and so worth your love, but that she won't be good for you. Have the courage to walk away. Find a girl that would make a good mother and she'll make a good wife too. Trust me on this one.