Let me play

Sigmund Freud famously asked, “What do women want?”

 But men have been pondering this question since the dawn of, well, man. In Paleolithic times, cavemen were rumored to stay up late into the night with their fellow troglodytes, gnawing frustratedly on leftover bones and trying to unearth the answer to this most perplexing question.

 The truth is, men are just as confusing to the fairer sex. And we have no shortage of questions when it comes to the male psyche. What do men want? As a dating columnist and coach, I see so many women analyzing, deconstructing and driving themselves mad attempting to figure out what it is men are seeking from women and in relationships (and yes, I was there once, too). Here’s a novel yet simple idea: Why not ask them? The next time you’re out at a bar, strike up a conversation with the guys next to you and offer up the question. Really listen to what they have to say.

You may start to see some general themes emerge the more you ask. A couple months ago, I did exactly that, but via Facebook. I emailed about 25 male friends and acquaintances — mostly men in their 20’s and 30’s but a couple older men as well — to ask them the following: “What do you, as a man, want? There are no right answers, only your truth.” I heard back from 12 of them. I had asked for 100-word answers, knowing full well the difficulty of trying to encapsulate the answer to such a question via a Twitter-like response, but I wasn’t so sure the men I reached out to would want to take the time to respond with much more than that, anyway (you know, that relationship-y stuff isn’t always their favorite topic).

 You can imagine my surprise when many of the respondents had taken the time to write a few paragraphs. Perhaps they were elated by the idea that, finally, a woman thought to actually ask what it was THEY WANTED. The answers ranged from theoretical to specific, shallow to profound, and the majority focused (without my prodding) on what men wanted from women and in relationships (as opposed to what they wanted in other areas in life — job, home, possessions, etc.). I suppose it’s a fallacy to think women have the market cornered when it comes to musing about love and relationships.